We all jus' need to chil'

Isn’t it great when someone reminds you of a lost and treasured memory.  It’s almost the same as finding that £10 note in your jeans pocket or, for some of us, that perfect pair of shoes that you haven’t worn yet, or the book on your shelf that you simply forgot you had.  I had one such moment this week when a family member reminded me of the William Henry Davies Poem “Leisure’. I remember a much-loved english teacher making my class learn this poem so that we could recite it.  At the time, when I was about 11/12, I thought the poem was about day-dreaming.  I now know, that this poem is about mindfulness.  This poem isn’t about being absent but about being fully present.  

If you already know it them I hope that, similar to me, this is a reminder of something wonderful and if it is your first read of 'Leisure' then may I suggest that you jus' sit back, read and chil’ …

Leisure

By: William Henry Davies

What is this life if, full of care,

We have no time to stand and stare.

No time to stand beneath the boughs

And stare as long as sheep or cows.

No time to see, when woods we pass,

Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.

No time to see, in broad daylight,

Streams full of stars, like skies at night.

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,

And watch her feet, how they can dance.

No time to wait till her mouth can

Enrich that smile her eyes began.

A poor life this if, full of care,

We have no time to stand and stare.

I couldn’t put it any better than “ A poor life this if, full of care, we have no time to stand and stare….”

Peace

Swipe, Snap, Scroll and Post

So what does the above mean?  Well unless you have been living under a rock or in the wilds of Borneo for the last five years or more you would recognise this as the new language of relationships.

Who would have thought that the start of romance now begins with whether you swipe right or left.  That people measure themselves in likes and friendships total in the hundreds (for some in thousands).  Well today this is what friendship and communication seems to be all about.  The fact that people in a restaurant or social setting will spend all their time not looking or conversing with the person in front of them but with their heads down swiping, scrolling and posting.  In fact, they will be posting about the very meal that they are enjoying, having taken a photo of their full plate and then a selfie of them enjoying a mouthful.  Oh there’s one I forgot selfie….(sound a little like selfish?)

I think it’s time for us to lift our heads up and get in touch and I really mean touch.  Human beings cannot exist without touch.  It is a fundamental need for all humans to spend time with other humans and to actually touch each other;  the one thing that we do not have an ‘app’ for.  You can call me old fashioned but as much as I think that Facebook and all of these other multi-media inventions are wonderful they should never wholly replace speaking with people and whenever possible meeting with them.  Human beings were not designed to live alone.  We may seek solitude from time to time and silence in order to establish equilibrium in our hectic lives but we are essentially pack animals who need to be with other members of our pack. Simply posting your wonderful life is not the same as really sharing it no matter what the app says.  Without human contact most people become withdrawn, stressed and often depressed.  Having friends and family around to enjoy your holiday stories, the funny thing that happened at work or the latest on the grandchildren and children…nothing can really beat it.

We are entering into the silly season, as I call it, or as other people refer to it the Christmas of festive season.  I call it the silly season because of the silliness that seems to be attached to it.  However, the one great thing about Christmas, not withstanding any religious connotations, is the fact that it encourages people to get together.  So lets see if we can make it a season of togetherness.  In the next couple of weeks challenge yourself to meeting up with friends and family and have an embargo on phones.  So whilst you’re together just enjoy each others company, at the end of the meal, drink, coffee or whatever it is take a group selfie and post that!

Being together is a basic need and with it comes the benefit of stress relief and a corner stone for wellbeing.

Oh I am so tempted right now to say “Happy Holidays” with tongue firmly in cheek.  Have fun meeting up.

Peace Love and Unity

Totally Trumped

The English language has many meanings, especially colloquial interpretations, for the word ‘trump’.  However, until a few days ago I never thought that one of those meanings would be President Elect of the United States of America.  I get what people are saying when they say it was the ‘anti establishment’ vote; I, however, just saw it as a vote for madness.  I stand by that being my opinion knowing that it is only one of many. Suffice to say, we are in a huge period of change and many people think that it might not be one for the better.  Regardless of what your personal feelings are any type of change is stressful, especially when a person is unsure of the outcome.

There are many things that help with the stress that change can bring, mindfulness, meditation, being able to spend time with friends and the one thing that I have not mentioned before, which is the release that laughter can bring.

So back to President Elect Trump, I was watching the early morning news preparing my grand-children for school when one of them states “What horrible parents!”  I didn't understand what she meant so of course I asked what do you mean and her answer was “how mean to call your child Trump…”  after a hearty laugh I explained that it was his surname and not his given name that they were referring to.  No prizes for guessing the meaning that she was attributing to the word.

So I suppose the simple message is – no matter how stressed we find ourselves, or in what circumstances if we can only find one reason to laugh - it can help.

"Physician Heal Thyself"

I have recently been reminded of the quote “ Physician, heal thyself…” (Luke 4:23) as I found myself struggling due to a stressful situation that I am in.  My first reaction was to fall back into all formed and very comfortable habits – for me that is stress eating, and, if I am honest, I have done some of that.  However, along with the very unhealthy route I have chosen some healthier options.  The first discussed in my blog 'It only takes a minute' and the second another resilience building technique  that is, movement or exercise.  I, however, decided to combine ‘mindfulness’ with movement, and went for a walk. 

The day was clear and I chose a path that was tree-lined and quiet and, there, I decided to fully immerse myself in my surroundings.  I started by truly experiencing the ground beneath my feet.  I was wearing quite thin-soled shoes (I know not ideal for walking) and took the time to simply feel the ground. The occasional rise and fall of the tarmacked path, the cracks that had formed from years of heat and cold beating upon the now charcoal grey walkway.  My criss-crossed steps as I Avoided the conkers that lay on the ground and the one I accidently stepped on, which sent a brief but sharp pain though my sole.  The soft cushioned steps and the uneven moist carpet-like sensation as I took a detour onto the grass.

The second sense I decided to get in touch with was sound, I could hear the breeze tickling the now red, orange and gold leaves in the trees and the occasional crunch of leaves underfoot, not crisp but a muted sound as if the leaves weren’t quite ready to relinquish their lofty branches and were there, on the ground, in protest of their hasty removal from on high.  The birds were singing (yeah I know - but this was no Cinderella moment) some of the birdsong was shrill and a little harsh almost as if the birds were demanding my attention.  The softer hum of a plane overhead and the burr of traffic in the distance muted by the trees and houses that stood between the road and myself.

I decided that today was not a day for sight as I recognise that it is the sense that I over-rely on; as you may have noticed it had crept into the other senses that I was paying attention to in my mindfulness moment and throughout it all I simply breathed!

I cannot pretend that this solved all my problems; the walk was slow and thoughtful or should I say mindful.  I walked for about 30minutes, not a particularly long time but in that time I didn’t think about the issue that I was facing.  I gave my brain a little time off to relax, repair and simply experience my surroundings and when I went home I felt a little more energised.  I had taken time away, not to escape, but to allow myself the gift of peace – just for a little while in order for me to be able to be better equipped at dealing with an issue that I am so close to that I could not longer be objective.  I took a little time to practice what I have been preaching and you know what … It helped….

One thing's for Certain

Recently I read a blog by Seth Godin where he discusses the ‘teaching of certainty’.  Although, I agreed with a lot of what Seth said regarding the fact that in schools we can lead students to believe that life takes a certain pattern and then when they join the real world, it all falls apart as they discover that few things go to plan.  However, in my experience, there are some things that are certain

• You certainly will have your resilience tested more than once in your lifetime
• How you have looked after yourself and your own wellbeing will certainly have an impact on your ability to ‘bounce back’ from any crisis that you face
• If you start now you will, certainly, have begun to build resilience and wellbeing for the future
• Taking some time to stay in touch with others (and not just through social media) is, certainly, one way to help increase your wellbeing and build resilience

Tomorrow why not take 15 minutes out of your day to contact that friend, or family member, who has been on your mind but you simply haven’t found the time to call.  Staying in touch with people can really help to build resilience, maintain communities and make a difference; not just in your life but also in the lives of those you contact.

Happy Chatting

Visualisation – can it work for you?

Of all the Mindfulness practices, this has to be the one which is most difficult to perfect…..yet can have a major impact if you can get it right. In simple terms it is the ability to form a mental image and then keep that image as the centre of your focus.  One person who tried the approach after one of our introductory sessions explained how his golf handicap had really improved by visualising a long straight tee shot. It sounded so easy but in reality had taken many months of false dawns before it began to pay off. 

We recommend that you start on a very straightforward basis of picturing something that makes you happy, perhaps a favourite place, a particularly fond memory, a family member or close friend. Keep that image as your focus whilst you take some mindful breaths….breaths where you are aware of the flow of air from your nostrils down through your body.  You can also use these breaths to focus your mind on any pain and exhale them away. Then as you maintain that focus push any other images gently to one side. Don’t be frustrated if they emerge from time to time in the periphery but keep the primary image constant. Most people find they can only visualise with their eyes closed and even having mastered the technique the majority still find this the best and most fulfilling way to maintain the right focus.

The next level of visualisation can allow you to focus on a series of words which form the mental image, for example, a favourite quote or lyrics from a song. This time focus on the words themselves and how they are constructed. Be aware of the font, the size of the type or the style of handwriting. Visualising in words is more difficult again because you don’t have the benefit of a picture. Keep persevering and the letters will more readily form the desired mental image.

If you’re interested in finding out more about the practice of visualisation and how it can help you to be focused in the moment please do get in touch.

It's a Hard Knock Life - the need for resilience in every day living

Many of you will be familiar with the movie and/or the musical Annie, originally, featuring a cute, ginger, orphan living in the 1930s and the song the children sing about how tough life is for them.  The song simply reminded me of life and how tough it has become to simply exist and be happy and healthy in the 21^st Century.

A recent study by the charity Shelter suggested that over 37% of households do not have the financial capacity to cover their housing costs for a month should they experience job loss.  Given that it takes 7 weeks for any type of benefit to kick in and over 13 weeks for you to get any assistance with a mortgage (information based on the actual experience of a close family member) then that makes pretty scary reading.

In 1967 2 psychiatrists Thomas Holmes and Richard Rahe looked to prove the causal link between stress and illness.  They came up with the Holmes Rahe scale that shows 41 stressful situations and its propensity to cause illness.  Looking at these 41 stressors I was struck by how many simply pertained to ordinary life.  The top ones are predictable, covering death and loss, but also on this scale are things like outstanding personal achievement, work conditions, holidays or vacations and of course Christmas.  Many of the top 41 elements covered financial issues e.g. loss of job or loans or bills etc.  Again every day occurrences that crop up for people all the time.

I am not even going to begin to suggest that a little positive thinking is going to change this.  Trust me, I know from personal experience how hard just coping day to day can be.  However, it is during these trying times that we really need to draw from our bank of resilience.  Being resilient enables us to keep going and to be able to continue to move forward looking for the next opportunity.  Like any bank we can only really draw out what we put in; if we don’t want to add to our stress.  By that I mean we have to build and deposit resilience in order to draw from it in trying times.  This is one account that you really do not want to go into overdraft.

Doing ‘something’, even once a week (but once a day would be better) that helps us to take our minds off our troubles helps to keep our resilience account in the black.  In the blog ‘Being mindful – does it make a difference’ Ian Wade gives up hints and tips on being mindful and how it works.  Mindfulness is only one thing that you might try to help with this.   Another suggestion is using an inspirational daily email, like the ones I receive from the Brahma Kumaris, when you see it pop into your inbox take the pleasure of time and a little silence to contemplate what it says and how it can benefit your life.  Just a couple of minutes of silence, for yourself, to simply recharge and take your mind off the daily stressors, will help to keep you going. 

Give yourself the gift of silence and peace for just two minutes – think of it as a small deposit into your resilience account.  Because we really do live  a hard knock life and anything to make it easier is worth the investment.

Silence and Peace

Bouncebackability: do you have what it takes to overcome life’s hardships?

First, think about how aware you are of the problem and the options which present themselves as possible solutions. Next, consider whether your outlook is sufficiently positive to ensure that you will see through the option that you decide to take. Don’t be half-hearted, trust in your capacity to keep going in spite of likely setbacks along the way.

Look for support from your networks, be it family, friends, colleagues or people facing similar issues. You don’t have to do it alone because that could make the challenge even harder to get through. Often when you are facing a difficult situation it can appear to be enormous, so be prepared to break it down into smaller pieces. If those pieces still seem too big then break them down even further. You will feel really good once you’ve tackled those first two or three and your confidence will grow and give you the strength to be more ambitious with those activities which follow.

If you’re struggling to take the step that feels the toughest one to make then focus on releasing whatever tension you have. Be willing to let go of your emotions by experimenting with different approaches. For some, it is simply writing down your feelings in a diary; for others it is talking with a friend; increasingly more people are practising mindfulness or find calmness through meditation (previous blogs by Jane Joseph and me will have given you some insight into simple mindfulness practices).

It may sound obvious but do not underestimate the importance of healthy eating, exercising and building in the right amount of time for sleep. With so much to do the temptation is always to pack more in and it can be too late when you’ve got used to six hours of rest whilst your mind and body needs more.

If you feel like you need to develop the skill of bouncing back then get in touch to find out more about our programme of stress prevention, stress reduction and ways to become more resilient. The great news is that this everyone can learn to do it better.

Being Mindful - does it make a difference?

Being Mindful  - does it make a difference?

Heard the term mindfulness and not sure what it means? Is it buried deep in mystical meditation and feels out of reach?

Stop wondering and give it a try. In the simplest of terms it can mean just being in the moment. Instead of dwelling on what’s happened in the past or being worried about the future, focus on the here and now. Yes, this is easy to say and recommend to others but it takes real practice to be able to shake off what we’ve been used to doing all our lives.

Take a moment right now to concentrate on your breathing. Take a deep breath and count slowly alongside in your head up to 6. Be aware of the breath travelling from your nose down through your throat and into your lungs. Feel the movement in your belly. Hold that breath for a further count of 2 and then exhale, this time slow counting to 4. Feel the breath taking the reverse journey and eventually out through your mouth. Repeat this two or three times and notice how your breathing slows down and how you can begin to focus better on a single thought.  While you are in this moment keep your attention on that thought. Your mind may wander as this is a natural process but concentrate on that one idea, that one goal, that one experience.

This gives you a very brief taster and will hopefully spur you to find out more.

Would you find benefit in combining some stress prevention, stress reduction, resilience-building and mindfulness?

If so, take my call for action and get in touch for more ideas or to receive some free stress-busting tips. 

It only takes a minute

Well as Take That once famously said ‘it only takes a minute girl….’  

Well they were talking about falling in love and I suppose I am also.  However, the love I am talking about is the love of oneself and caring about oneself enough to take a moment in time to be fully present.  Leaving the past where it is and letting the future take care of itself, just for a minute.

A little bit of mindfulness goes a long long way and in the same way that love can put a glow in your cheeks and some pep in your step so can this.  In fact this mindfulness exercise is going to take 30seconds – so beat that, Take That.

Just close your eyes and simply count your breaths. 

Slowly inhale and then slowly exhale – that’s one breath and so on.  For about 30 seconds you are going to be totally at one with your breathing.  Taking the time to feel the air enter your lungs all the way to your abdomen and then realising it through your mouth listening to the sound as it escapes through your lips when it leaves your body.  For 30 seconds, simply count your breaths.

That’s all …but I suppose that it only takes 30 seconds is not quite as catchy as it only takes a minute, but it can do a whole heap of good.

Have a mindful and present day.

Never make it home for dinner with the family?

Never make it home for dinner with the family?

Feeling like being stretched could shortly turn to snapping?

One senior leader in the second largest government department described how he ‘was clinging on with his fingertips’…..the room reverberated with the echoes of agreement.  This group similarly described working 25% more hours per week compared to three years before and only one in twenty-five regularly took a lunch break.

This was a very typical set of responses within a programme of 25 similar workshops for senior leaders and managers seeking to build resilience to overcome stress and improve all-round well-being.

Whilst self-awareness was high, there was no sign of the situation changing……until we set the challenge to get that family dinner back and be prepared to take some risks with unread e-mails and questioning whether unrealistic deadlines could be deferred.

The workshops were tailored to a series of factors about each group, for example, recorded levels of stress-related sickness absence; prevalence of long working hours; results of staff surveys outlining low engagement and concerns about decreasing discretionary effort.

So what did they all achieve? One delegate sent a simple message to say he had gone home after the workshop without accessing his e-mails to have the first family dinner in two years; another had experimented with gently challenging selected ‘by return’ deadlines and was pleasantly surprised by the flexibility he was met with; another said that taking time to be in the moment for a few minutes each day had given him the confidence to stop his habitual need to respond to management requests within his self-imposed 10 minute rule.

If any of this strikes a chord and you want to change then please let me know…..take back control

Resilience - The Art of Bouncing Back

There has been comparatively little research conducted on the area of resilience.  However, one of the pioneers of this area is Dr Ann S Masten.  In Masten’s book ‘Ordinary Magic resilience in development’, Dr Masten discusses the ordinariness of the resources required for one to become and maintain resilience. 

Did you know that the word resilience stems from the latin word reslire meaning to ‘bounce back’ and that is exactly what resilience is all about, the ability to bounce back from stressful or traumatic situations.

Masten’s work on resilience centres around the ability of children’s bounce back capabilities but she opens up her book talking about the fact that the word is used in many different walks of life.  For example, A metal’s ability to withstand cracking under high stress is called a resilient metal…we put all our electronic and engineering innovations through stress tests to establish how much pressure they can withstand before they break.

In life we test a person’s resilience by at how well they can recover after a knock back or bad experience. When they are able to do this quickly and, with some people, are even better from having had the experience we tend to imbue them with some sort of mystical or as Masten suggests magical power that escapes ordinary humans.  However, the simple fact is that this magic is ordinary and all it takes is the ability to access simple resources to make everyone as magical as the next resilient person.

Here are a couple of resilient resources borrowed from Paula Davis-Laack the founder of the Stress and Resilience Institute in America and the people that she borrowed them from.

Amy Cuddy’s Power Pose – Simply put, this is using your physicality to trick your brain.  When you are feeling in a weak position then strike a ‘Power Pose’ such as the ‘Superman stance’, no not when he is flying that would just be a bit ridiculous, his standing pose of hands on hips with leg shoulder width apart, chin held high and body perfectly balanced.  Cuddy’s research showed that adopting a power pose literally tricks your brain into feeling more powerful and therefore resulting in you feeling more empowered.   So the next time you feel as if you are being overpowered by work or just life think ‘Superman’ and strike a power pose for a minute and feel your power grow from within.

The second is so simple that you can do it right now and that is to change the password on your most used electronic device.  Think of how many times you actually enter your password.  So instead of it being a boring throw away moment make the password mean something. I.e. link it to a goal you are trying to achieve or something that makes you smile or a short empowering statement almost like a mantra and see how this continual reminder of your brilliance impacts your feeling of confidence and wellbeing.

If you would like to explore more from Ann S Masten or Paula Davis-Laack here are a couple of websites that might be useful

http://www.mtnforum.org/sites/default/files/publication/files/4720.pdf

www.pauladavislaack.com

Peace